Lefty: "Hey Poncho?! Come out from behind her! She doesn't like people that close to her butt."
Poncho: "Huh? Who me? Excuse me sir I will stand wherever..." *Squints and leans closer.* "Lefty, is that you?"
Lefty: "Sure as a dingleberry hanging you mangy old man!"
Poncho: "Well, I'll be damned! I didn't think you'd live this long!"
Lefty: Speak for yourself! You look like a shriveled hairless eel.
Poncho: Lefty, is this...*whispering* Alliance Talk?
Lefty: Looks like it. I mean, it still looks the same, but...it almost looks like a museum now.
Poncho: Yah, where's Archy and En4cer? Surely they'd be here arguing over who's butt to sniff.
Lefty: I think that was BigRedDog, or Bluedawg.
Poncho: Well surely Empyrean would be here complaining about getting fired or his girlfriend breaking up with him or something right?
Lefty: Well, him I spotted peeing in the corner back there.
Poncho: God, thirty years as a wolf and he's still peeing in the same corner? That's horrible. He has to have some sort of horrible diseases by now.
Lefty: I wouldn't venture over there. It smells worse then old ferrets.
Poncho: So what do you make of this? Should be make wax statues of all the old alliance people and make it at least, look busy in here?
Lefty: No, It's quiet. We always wanted a quiet place for us to run free without the nasty saw dust getting in our toes. We could retire here.
Poncho: Are you kidding me? Retire here? There isn't even a pension!
Lefty: Right, Know who we should call? Paradigm.
Poncho: No! Not the netters!
Lefty: Wait, I think I mean Paladine? Yah! Paladine!
Poncho: Oh lefty, all these old people are busy with their kids and some of even got gray hair and knee problems now. They can't play with us anymore. They're just getting fat on the couch.
Lefty: How? I mean, What do you mean?
Poncho: Maybe Archaic, Paladine, Bluedawg and some other people will come back if we clean out Empy's pee corner.
Lefty: Have you seen his posts lately? He's just waiting to die.
Poncho: He's always been melodramatic, that's why he's such a good writer.
Lefty: Writer?
Poncho: Oh, I'm surprised he didn't send you his screen play for a movie about Earth 2025. It was awesome. There was a train, factions of terrible soldiers fighting for glory, and uniting against a common enemy.
Lefty: Who was the common enemy?
Poncho: Some faction in the center of the city called The Omega.
Lefty: Hahaha! He used netters as the big bad guy?
Poncho: Well he wrote it like 20 years ago. So if we can convince him to write it again...
Lefty: Im more interested in making this place a party. Who can we call? Fingolfin? Wax? Patience? Comwood? Seduction? Bluerain!? WHO CAN WE CALL!?
Poncho: Lefty...Lefty....There's only one group we can call to get things going here.
Lefty: Ghostbusters?
Poncho: No. No. Not the ghostbusters. You know that's a movie right?
Lefty: Darkmere?
Poncho: She just retired...
Lefty: Oh god. It's bleak.
Poncho: Stop! Just stop lefty. You're panicking again! You know you pee your fur when you panic.
Lefty: I don't even have any fur left. It's like a slip and slide now.
*Poncho shudders*
Poncho: Enough about pee! LISTEN! We don't need to call anyone. We can use this space as our HQ!!!! We can set up a video device and run the Lefty and Poncho podcast we always wanted!
Lefty: They didn't have podcasts back then. Back then it was just called "the radio".
Poncho: Right, but podcasts are the new rage!! We can just run our podcast outta here! The Lefty and Poncho: The Furious Ferret Podcast!
We can talk about serial killers. Clowns. Anger. Viral Tik Toks and all sorts of stuff!!!!!
Lefty: I think I like this idea. We can start next week.
Poncho: Ill go get some cameras.

Did someone mention Clowns? And peeing?

I’m your dog!

BigDogCWG
Clowns with Guns
And Clowns with very very soiled carpet

A door creaks open, and a single overhead light flickers to life. Poncho, carrying a single gopro camera, peeks into the room to see Lefty setting up camera's up in the dark.

Poncho: Ahem

Lefty: Oh, hi. Sorry, yah, Started without you sorry.

Lefty: A go pro? Seriously? That's child's play. Do you even know how to use those things? Last time you tried “recording,” on the go pro you ended up livestreaming your hairy back to the Alliance Discord for two hours.

Poncho: That was art, Lefty. It was performance expression. People need to understand the raw texture of an aging ferret.

Lefty: They understood, alright. I’m still getting flashbacks of the comments section. Someone said your back looked like a chia pet drowning in cream of broccoli soup.

Poncho: [ignores him] Anyway! We’ll need a microphone. A real one. Not that karaoke thing you’ve been spitting into since 1997.

Lefty: That’s a vintage Logitech headset, you mangy hipster. I used that to negotiate peace between UCN and IX back in the double zero.

Poncho: the year two thousand you mean?

Lefty: For a ferret you aren't that cool.

Poncho: For a ferret you aren't smart. I remember you muted yourself for three hours and thought everyone was ignoring you?

Lefty: Tactical silence. It was a strategy.

Poncho: Sure, General Whisper. Anyway, I was thinking—first episode, we talk about the glory days. “When Wolves Ruled the Web.” or "When IX won a network title", or "Mehul Patel, where is he now?"
We could invite Mehul over for a cup of tea, or do the wolf one. Give Empy a bath and for nostalgia points—he’ll probably cry, write a haiku, and pee in the tub a little. That’s content. Or we can invite some of the uhh...people that are...
Lefty?

Lefty: Yah?

Poncho: I just realized there's a bunch of like, zombies walking around just like drooling on themselves. What the hell are those things?! They're hideous?!

Lefty: Oh, Um, SuperFly told me they were called bots. They're like AI players. The alliances...grab em by the land farm.

Poncho: Well, thats robot harassment, what happened to just grabbing each other by the landfarm?

Lefty: That went away when the golden girls went off the air, anyway, we need an intro theme. Something classy. Maybe… howling layered over a distorted modem dial-up tone?

Poncho: snaps fingers Genius! Like… the sound of ancient servers waking from slumber!

Lefty: Exactly. And we’ll have segments! Like “Alliance Obituaries” — for people who haven’t logged in since to Earth Empires since 2012.

Poncho: Or “Drama from the Den” — where we read old forum posts out loud in dramatic voices.

Lefty: Ohhh! I can do BigRedDog’s rants! [clears throat] “You can’t call it an alliance if you’re farming my bases while I’m sleeping, you spineless pixels!”

Poncho: Beautiful. Tears in my eyes. This’ll go viral for sure.

Lefty: I can see it now—thousands of listeners tuning in, nostalgic veterans coming out of retirement, people digging out their old avatars and posting them on...on....well discord probably...

Poncho: Maybe even Paradigm's leader will come on and talk about hunting kangaroos!

Lefty: I don't think he does that. He, does musical stuff.

Poncho: Yah but we want clicks MATEY!

Lefty: You can't copy accents anymore ponch. They call that cultural appropriation and its highly offensive to some humans.

Poncho: What? Why? It's a great sign of strength to be able to laugh at yourself. Are you serious?

Lefty: Very serious. You can't do that.

Poncho: That's crazy! Ya know, back in the day we fought wars, we tamed wild beasts, we conquered the moon, and we became the most fiercest predator in the animal kingdom, and now you're telling me people are scared of words?

Lefty: Poncho, let's change the subject, this isn't feeling like a safe space for me.

Poncho: Fine, what if we got Croaker? Or somebody recent? Darkmere? She led the SOL?

Lefty: Or Wax!

Poncho: Or—wait for it—

Lefty: Well?

Poncho: I said WAIT FOR IT....

Lefty: (looking around) For what? WHO?

Poncho: Then we’ll interview him there! “Lefty and Poncho: Road Trip to...."

Lefty: Barring your little brain hemorrhages there, We’ll need sponsors.

Poncho: I’m thinking adult diapers, based on our audience demographic.

Lefty: Perfect fit. Literally.

Poncho: Alright then, Lefty. Let’s do it. One last howl for the old pack.

Lefty: You mean... we’re really doing this?

Poncho: Damn right we are. The wolves, or archangels, or leagues, or multies or whatever they called themselves 50 years ago may have aged—but the bite’s still there.

Lefty: Alright then. On three.

Poncho: One…

Lefty: Two…

Both: Awooooooooooo!